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David Letterman Top Ten Baseball Lists I
One of the absolute funniest late night comedians has always been David Letterman. His legendary Top Ten lists have made fans of the show laugh on a nightly basis and on occasion they have pointed their humor towards baseball at large.
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"I heard the doctors revived a man after being dead for four-and-a-half minutes. When they asked what is was like being dead he said it was like listening to New York Yankees announcer Phil Rizzuto during a rain delay." - David Letterman
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| # |
Reason |
| 10. |
No team flights on Continental Airlines. |
| 9. |
Goodbye boring baseball caps, hello festive sombreros. |
| 8. |
Make it legal to cork their pants. |
| 7. |
Baseballs with delicious chocolate centers. |
| 6. |
No more reports from that old guy up at Woodstock. |
| 5. |
Two words: Streisand tickets. |
| 4. |
Every team has to have at least one player named "Mookie." |
| 3. |
Plenty of dugout Slimfast. |
| 2. |
Put an on-deck circle in Madonna's bed. |
| 1. |
More games against the Mets. |
| # |
Reason |
| 10. |
If a ball gets hit out of the ballpark and breaks a car window, hey it's just another busted car window. |
| 9. |
Free bus fumes while you work out. |
| 8. |
Opposing players in a state of shock after a cab ride to the stadium. |
| 7. |
Vendors selling corked hot dogs. |
| 6. |
New York has the nation's most affordable bail bondsmen. |
| 5. |
Plenty of spit for spitballs. |
| 4. |
After the game, if you don't take a shower, everyone just assumes it's the city that stinks. |
| 3. |
The greatest fans in the world always shouting, 'Mets suck!' |
| 2. |
Knowing that if we ever got to the 7th game of the World Series, that with one phone call,
we could get the opposing pitcher whacked. |
| 1. |
Two words: Rat Night. |
| # |
Reason |
| 10. |
Animatronic Albert Belle that grabs himself. |
| 9. |
The hall of pitchers who threw like girls. |
| 8. |
Diorama of insect parts found in stadium hot dogs. |
| 7. |
Babe Ruth's partially-eaten baseball glove. |
| 6. |
Bus ticket to Columbus autographed by Hideki Irabu. |
| 5. |
Wishing well filled with Steve Howe urine samples. |
| 4. |
Titanium dugout bench built for Cecil Fielder. |
| 3. |
1968 photo showing how Gaylord Perry got his nickname. |
| 2. |
The Louisville Slugger that Kathie Lee used on Frank. |
| 1. |
Tobacco spit flume ride. |
| # |
Reason |
| 10. |
All those empty seats are distracting. |
| 9. |
Part of a grand plan to make Florida Marlins overconfident next year. |
| 8. |
Pitchers on other teams throw the ball really fast! |
| 7. |
Two words: guaranteed contracts. |
| 6. |
Mistake to let Don Knotts bat cleanup. |
| 5. |
Play so much golf during season thought lowest score wins. |
| 4. |
Baseballs are harder to throw than explosives. |
| 3. |
Drank slurpee too fast; got a "brain-freeze." |
| 2. |
Didn't scratch themselves enough. |
| 1. |
No one named "Mookie." |
| # |
Reason |
| 10. |
Clothing optional in dugouts. |
| 9. |
Infield chatter must be in the form of a question. |
| 8. |
Knock out beer vendor with ball and you automatically win the game. |
| 7. |
Extra outs for every person on your team named "Mookie," "Scooter," or "Pee Wee." |
| 6. |
Games will not start until the players' drugs have kicked in. |
| 5. |
No more keeping your eye on the ball. |
| 4. |
Goodbye Gatorade, hello Riunite. |
| 3. |
If the catcher snags your pop foul, he gets to make out with your wife in the
stands for awhile. |
| 2. |
No team roster may include more than two dismissed Simpson jurors. |
| 1. |
Reach a base. Do a shot. |
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