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David Letterman Top Ten Baseball Lists VI
One of the absolute funniest late night comedians has always been David Letterman. His legendary Top Ten lists have made fans of the show laugh on a nightly basis and on occasion they have pointed their humor towards baseball at large.
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"Get off your Babe Ruth-sized ass and come see a game!" - David Letterman
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| # |
Reason |
| 10. |
This year, the league is going to let us hit the ball off a tee. |
| 9. |
We're eliminating that pre-game Happy Hour. |
| 8. |
No more leaving during the eighth inning to beat traffic. |
| 7. |
96 is a leap year, so we'll have an extra day to practice. |
| 6. |
We're finally going to get around to finding out what this means (Lettermand does hand signs). |
| 5. |
We're going to give 110 percent, at least 51 percent of the time. |
| 4. |
It's a huge weight off our shoulders knowing Letterman won't be hosting this year's Academy Awards. |
| 3. |
No more Cartoon Channel in the dugout. |
| 2. |
We just signed a chimp with a 200-mph fastball. |
| 1. |
Two words: lucky cups. |
| # |
Reason |
| 10. |
Instead of grabbing themselves, switch-hitters must grab each other. |
| 9. |
New tradition: pantsless 7th-inning stretch. |
| 8. |
Outlaw cups, and award one run for each direct hit. |
| 7. |
Every game, one lucky fan gets to marry and divorce Larry King. |
| 6. |
Between innings, Diamondvision shows the Frank Gifford video. |
| 5. |
When a batter strikes out, he has to swallow his chewing tobacco. |
| 4. |
Instead of designated hitters, designated lesbians. |
| 3. |
Four words: anatomically correct "Philly Phanatic." |
| 2. |
Box score includes number of times player has nailed Madonna. |
| 1. |
Replace ballboy with an overcaffeinated monkey. |
| # |
Reason |
| 10. |
Groin pulls? We got 'em! |
| 9. |
Slightly more exciting than badminton! |
| 8. |
We wanna get to third base with you. |
| 7. |
If you build it, they'll go on strike. |
| 6. |
Sit within spitting distance of Roberto Alomar. |
| 5. |
Slower than a slug dipped in cough syrup. |
| 4. |
The game as big as Cecil Fielder. |
| 3. |
If you do the watchin', we'll do the scratchin'. |
| 2. |
Get off your Babe Ruth-sized ass and come see a game! |
| 1. |
Hey - choke up on this! |
| # |
Reason |
| 10. |
Become the first team to win World Series without using mitts. |
| 9. |
Champagne-drenched celebrations after every out. |
| 8. |
"In this corner, Mike Tyson. In that corner, the 1998 New York Yankees." |
| 7. |
Let me, Dave, pitch. |
| 6. |
Send Steinbrenner on a homemade raft to Cuba. |
| 5. |
Goodbye Tino Martinez - hello Tito Jackson. |
| 4. |
Parachute into Iraq and sort that whole mess out. |
| 3. |
Derek Jeter appearing at tomorrow's victory parade naked. |
| 2. |
David Wells appearing at tomorrow's victory parade sober. |
| 1. |
Maybe, just maybe, have Knoblauch work on his fielding. |
| # |
Reason |
| 10. |
San Diego Chicken reveals 1-year relationship with Henry Hyde. |
| 9. |
Opening day, when Bill Clinton threw out the First Lady. |
| 8. |
David Wells pitches perfect game - goes on 18 day malt liquor bender. |
| 7. |
Price of Yankee Stadium nachos breaks $20 barrier. |
| 6. |
Cal Ripken's streak of 40 consecutive games without scratching himself. |
| 5. |
This: (Video clip of Paul Shaffer throwing like a girl). |
| 4. |
May 19th in Milwaukee: 1,000,000th fan teases Chipper Jones about his name. |
| 3. |
Have-Sex-With-An-Oriole Night at Camden Yards. |
| 2. |
The Yankees giving George Steinbrenner 114 reasons to shut the hell up. |
| 1. |
Mets actually reach double figures in wins. |
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